What do you think about this novel idea?

This is a fairly standard plot for a YA (Young Adult) audience, but with a little tweaking, it could work nicely. I have two things I'd like to say, first is that you should find someone to edit your work. You have some basic grammar/punctuation/usage issues. The next thing is that you should go to a writing website for critique and posting of your work. You need to protect it like it were your child. Posting it here, you are up for review (and plagiarism) by anyone. Not to say that there aren't goofs at a writing site, because there are plenty, but you'll have a better chance of good critique by folks who know what they are talking about.